An Open Letter to my Fellow Man (and Woman)

Hello Sir or Madam,

I have many years of experience in working with you. I have served you faithfully over the years, in many aspects. In my younger days, I have been able to let most things roll off my back. But since I am getting older, and less patient, I feel I have to make my feelings known.

Here are just a few guidelines I think you need to go by:

1.) I don't give a damn who says it, the customer is not always right. Sometimes you are just an asshole.

2.) When you go up to a counter, I don't care how big of a hurry you are in, if someone is being waited on, do not interrupt to ask a stupid question. It makes you look stupid and rude. Wait politely to the side until the employee makes eye contact. At that point, it's fair game to ask a dumb question. YOU are NOT more important than the person in front of you. Sorry to break it to you.

3.) While it is ok to call a place of business to ask a quick question, such as prices, availability, or store hours, it is NOT ok to keep that person on the phone for a complete rundown of every price on every service in the store, and to tell said person on the phone your entire life history. What you are doing by this is, a.) making the person who got off their ass and drove down to the store to get something in person wait, and b.) tie up the employee unnecessarily. Both are unacceptable. Douche.

4.) Watch your kids. This should be obvious, but for some needs to be emphasized. Please don't let your little monkey crawl all over my counter, because inevitably, it will be a filthy, semi-diseased, snot-filled mutant that will either a.) sneeze on me and make me take something nasty home to my own kids, b.) get something sticky all over my phone, or c.) fall and crack their pointed heads, thus creating that huge piercing scream that goes so well with the yapping pomeranians that are crapping on the other side of my desk.

5.) Do a google search for 'common courtesy' and find out what it means. It's not hard to hold open a frickin' door for someone, or God forbid, say THANK YOU when someone does it for you. My children know how to say thank you, what is it about a 30 yr old woman that she has forgotten? Don't you realize you can make or break a person's day just by saying or refusing to say 'thank you'?

6.) There is nothing wrong with someone that makes minimum wage. Let me repeat that: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH SOMEONE THAT MAKES MINIMUM WAGE! It does not mean they are lazy or stupid or whatever. You don't need to treat us as such. Just because you may make more money than I do, DOES NOT give you the permission to talk down to me and make me feel less than you. Because you are not any better than the person handing you your change. Bitch.


I am on the other side of the counter as well, and believe me, I know it can be annoying to have an obnoxious little twit waiting on you. But I also know, that no matter how bad a day I am having, or how many people have pissed me off, or any tragedy in the day to day drama of life, if I have someone smile at me, I refuse to be rude to them. I am not that much of a bitch. And there is no reason for you to be either.

So suck it.