LOLCelebrities

for Andy and Maynard

Sir, you go too far!

A sport my hubby can play!

Ah, Election Season is over

Well, the American people have spoken. Regardless of who you voted for, I think we are all in agreement of one thing; thank GOD the ads are done. But, ah what a year (well, 2 years actually)
The dudes over at Best Week Ever put together this introspective look at the biggest election in American history. Enjoy!

Campaign for the President: A Tribute @ Yahoo! Video

Trick or Treats

My pirate princess, and my rock & roller. Aren't they awesome?

I'm so jealous

Happy Halloween!

Not that I'm commenting politically

It's coming....

Oh, winter....how I am dreading you....

Tee hee for the day

Why can't the boy ghost have babies?

Because he has a 'Hallo-weenie'.

Go ahead, blast me in the comments.

In honor of Halloween, the video for Thriller

But....it's a little different from what I remember.

It's here!

But we have to wait til July.....dammit.

Let me tell ya where I stand

I can't freakin' wait for elections to be over.

It has nothing to do with the incessant mud-slinging from both sides, although that would be enough. It's not even the fact that I can't sit down to watch tv or have dinner with my family without the commercials running, or the phone ringing, telling me how to think, how not to think, who I should vote for.

It's the arguing.

Not the candidates; us. I hate it. I liked it much better when I was younger and didn't give a shit. Picking a side polarizes, obviously. I am not one to have a lively discussion and agree to disagree. I try, but I can't. Well, I should say, I'm going to now. People keep asking me where I stand, and I haven't even wanted to get into it. So, here it goes, this is where I stand.

I believe in the sanctity of marriage. But I also believe you should be able to love whoever you love and have the same rights as I do. With everything else that's shitty in the world, do we have to point and tell you who you can marry? Worry about something else already.

I don't believe in killing babies. But I also don't believe it should go back to being done in back alleys.

I believe in assistance, helping someone who can't help themselves. But I don't believe in 'sharing the wealth'. If my husband works his ass off to provide for his family, I don't believe part of it should be given to the guy who drinks beer all day and sits in front of the tv, because he's too 'stressed' to get a job. Call me kooky, call me a neo-con fascist, I don't really care.

I don't believe all Muslims are evil. I also don't believe all Christians are evil either.

I don't believe Bill Clinton was the greatest president in history, and how the economy under his presidency was 'awesome'. I think he's a charming guy who got lucky in the fact that the big internet boom was going on at the same time, boosting the economy. Yes, luck, in the same sense of how not lucky it was for another president to have 4 planes crashing our country during his first few months in office.

Yes, I voted for George Bush. Twice. There, I said it. And I still think he was the better choice at the time. I believe in why we went to war. I don't believe we should still be there, but I don't have an answer for how we can get out safely. Do I believe there was a complete foobar over there? Hell yes I do. But I also don't think it was one man's fault.

I like Barack Obama. I voted for him in the primaries. I wish he would win for the fact that I think he would be a great roll model for young black men, AND young white men. I think he's got some great ideas, and I think he really cares. Honestly. But he scares me. I don't think socialism works.

Sarah Palin? I don't think she's the idiot people say she is; quite frankly she couldn't be and get where she is. So she winks at the camera and acts flirty? HELLO! Have you ever met a pretty woman that didn't?! That's what we're taught to do to get ahead in life!!

John McCain? Who knows. Yeah, he's an old dude. But he deserves a big amount of respect for his service to this country and I challenge anybody to say he hasn't.

Smarmy Biden? Yikes. People make fun of Bush for his glib attitude? You can almost see the *ding* of light reflecting off his perfect teeth. I can't STAND this guy, and it's not even about his great work in his home state. (uh...???!)

So, who am I voting for? I don't have a freakin clue. All I know is, I'm really worried about everything that's going on right now. My faith tells me to just pray for whoever the right person is to win. So that's what I intend to do. I'm also going to go all Rodney King and start shouting, "Can't we all just get along?!?!" I have very dear friends who I adore, and will never agree with on politics, or religion, so I intend to not discuss it with them, and hope that they love me enough to let me believe the way I want to believe, as I love them for what they believe. And forgive me for that terrible run-on sentence while they're at it.

Right on

A fantastic Fall day

Saturday the fam and I were able to take advantage of a beautiful day and went hiking with our friends Kev, Shan & McKenna in the Cuyahoga Valley. It was awesome and beautiful and even though we all were completely worn out and exhausted by the end of the trail, we had a great time!
Me & my boy
Trixie and the Deuce!
Alex's future album cover!
Momma & her gal

What a cute couple!

Episode 2

For your listening pleasure, Episode 2 of PERVcast is up and ready!

Click here!

And for those who may have missed it, Episode 1.

My husband is going to be so jealous

ICYMI - 7 Yr. Old Break Dancer On Ellen @ Yahoo! Video

Perhaps the coolest kid ever.

Linkage

Hey y'all!
We're podcasters now! Link here to the Ohio Paranormal Evaluation Research and Validation Society's first of many podcasts.

And, in answer to your question, we were perfectly sober while recording it.

Pay special attention to the intro music, composed by our son, AJ Donaldson!

This is what Baby Sara should be for Halloween

Baby Medusa!
Just like her momma!

No reason

Just found this old pic of Molly and had to share. Ain't she gorgeous?

Uh oh.

Somebody found Sarah Palin's notes during the debate!

Alanis is back.

It's no Bawatabawa, but I like it.

If the Elections were an 80's Sitcom

If The 2008 Presidential Election Was A Sitcom - Watch more free videos

It's already entertaining, why not?
Stolen from Holy Taco

An Open Letter to my Fellow Man (and Woman)

Hello Sir or Madam,

I have many years of experience in working with you. I have served you faithfully over the years, in many aspects. In my younger days, I have been able to let most things roll off my back. But since I am getting older, and less patient, I feel I have to make my feelings known.

Here are just a few guidelines I think you need to go by:

1.) I don't give a damn who says it, the customer is not always right. Sometimes you are just an asshole.

2.) When you go up to a counter, I don't care how big of a hurry you are in, if someone is being waited on, do not interrupt to ask a stupid question. It makes you look stupid and rude. Wait politely to the side until the employee makes eye contact. At that point, it's fair game to ask a dumb question. YOU are NOT more important than the person in front of you. Sorry to break it to you.

3.) While it is ok to call a place of business to ask a quick question, such as prices, availability, or store hours, it is NOT ok to keep that person on the phone for a complete rundown of every price on every service in the store, and to tell said person on the phone your entire life history. What you are doing by this is, a.) making the person who got off their ass and drove down to the store to get something in person wait, and b.) tie up the employee unnecessarily. Both are unacceptable. Douche.

4.) Watch your kids. This should be obvious, but for some needs to be emphasized. Please don't let your little monkey crawl all over my counter, because inevitably, it will be a filthy, semi-diseased, snot-filled mutant that will either a.) sneeze on me and make me take something nasty home to my own kids, b.) get something sticky all over my phone, or c.) fall and crack their pointed heads, thus creating that huge piercing scream that goes so well with the yapping pomeranians that are crapping on the other side of my desk.

5.) Do a google search for 'common courtesy' and find out what it means. It's not hard to hold open a frickin' door for someone, or God forbid, say THANK YOU when someone does it for you. My children know how to say thank you, what is it about a 30 yr old woman that she has forgotten? Don't you realize you can make or break a person's day just by saying or refusing to say 'thank you'?

6.) There is nothing wrong with someone that makes minimum wage. Let me repeat that: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH SOMEONE THAT MAKES MINIMUM WAGE! It does not mean they are lazy or stupid or whatever. You don't need to treat us as such. Just because you may make more money than I do, DOES NOT give you the permission to talk down to me and make me feel less than you. Because you are not any better than the person handing you your change. Bitch.


I am on the other side of the counter as well, and believe me, I know it can be annoying to have an obnoxious little twit waiting on you. But I also know, that no matter how bad a day I am having, or how many people have pissed me off, or any tragedy in the day to day drama of life, if I have someone smile at me, I refuse to be rude to them. I am not that much of a bitch. And there is no reason for you to be either.

So suck it.

No Nonsense

Some of you that know me may have become aware, through me shouting from the rooftops, that I have lost a little bit of weight. Not that I've been exactly trying, but it helps when you are running your ass off at work, after a pretty much sedentary lifestyle. Translation: yes I'm a couch potato. But, with the new job at a pet hospital, and the fact that my boss thinks it's bad form to give me a stool to sit on, I am on my feet and running about 40 hours a week. Naturally, I've lost a few pounds. So far I've lost around 40, give or take, depending on the day and which shoes I'm wearing, and I do feel a difference. I have much more energy! Like, now when I'm plopped in front of the tv, I'm able to cross my legs and bob my foot, without losing circulation. It's great.
Now, while I say that, I also realize I have far to go. The realization of which comes out at certain times. Case in point, while putting on panty hose.
Again, after practically living in scrubs all week, occasionally I do like to dress like a girl, so this weekend, after a long absence from them, I bought panty hose. Something I hadn't had an occasion to wear for quite a while.
So, when I decide I'm going to wear them, I go to the fancy store to buy a pair - Discount Drug Mart.
Oh, whatever. Don't judge.
So at this point, I'm thinking what a shlump I am, because I don't even recognize the brands anymore. How long has it been since I've bought them? But, I'm all excited, cause I 'm thinking, wow, what size am I in now? I've gone down about 5 sizes in my regular clothes, what size pantyhose am I in, I'm thinking gleefully. I pick up a No-Nonsense, look on the back and realize, 'Oh, same size as before. Ok.' Nice. Who sizes these things?

So anyway, I pick the 'control- top' kind, because I want to appear even slimmer and trimmer than I already am. Ha ha. The magnitude of this mistake becomes a little clearer in a moment.
That evening as I'm dressing, I pull the hose out of the package, marveling at their shiny sheen. I'm pulling them up over my feet, taking special care not to snag them on my toenails. (Ok, if I haven't bought pantyhose in a while, do you honestly think I've had a pedicure any time in the last decade?) Pulling them up to my knees I stand up.....and they go no further. Now, every woman knows these things stretch, right, I understand; but it's at that point I begin to notice the fabric of these pantyhose. They are like vulcanized rubber under the guise of fashion. Seriously. I realize at this point that I'm going to have a struggle on my hands.

Approximately twenty minutes later, after fighting and pulling and lying on my back, bargaining with God, sticking my legs up in the air, hanging on to the bedpost like Scarlet ("make me 19 inches Mammy!") I finally get them mid-thigh. I'm seeing spots behind my eyes, and having a hard time breathing. Putting on stockings should not give me a pain in my left arm, right?
Imagine if you will, these steel-belted radials of fabric digging into the fattest part of my thigh, completely cutting off circulation. It's making my butt look like a muffin top. Very attractive.
After I catch my breath, and stave off asphyxiation, I think to myself, this is ridiculous, and with a mighty heave ho, I finally get them pulled up to my waist. VICTORY IS MINE!
It's at this point, that my wonderful husband walks in. Now, I can only imagine his view from the bedroom door, I am barely standing upright, these torturous pantyhose spraypainted across my ass, and what does this lovely man say?

"Hoowee, look at that sombitch stretch!"

I turn in shock, disbelieving that he's made that douchy of a comment, and as I spin, the top of the pantyhose make an audible pop! and immediately roll down of their own accord, my ass and thighs spilling out in a mighty bounce of relief. Thank GOD I am free.
And I prepare to make my husband pay.

Needless to say I was able to catch him cause I weigh less now.

Abusive language alert

http://view.break.com/491919 - Watch more free videos

If you're offended, go somewhere else; this is hilarious.

Stolen from this guy

Megaton Maynard's New Sidekick - Bunnyman

A Perfect Day

Yesterday we took the kids to the Cleveland Air Show. This is the third time in a row we've gone, and by far the best time. Andy was able to score some fantastic tickets from a vendor at work, and we got great seats; a covered tent, a catered lunch, all the pop, water and beer you could drink. (Although I kept the kids at a minimum; those little buggers are lushes...ha ha) Ice cream and cookies for the kids. Andy actually got to hold the pole that the stunt pilot flies through on the field, which he was grinning like a little kid when he got back, although I was mentally configuring his life insurance payments the whole time. It was a beautiful, sunny day, a wonderful cool breeze kept it from being too hot; it was great. I don't know if I just appreciate these kinds of days more since I'm working, and not able to spend as much time with the fam as before, but I really cherish these kinds of days.
But what I really have to comment on is my experience with the Fried Candy Bar.
Oh yeah. If you haven't been there before, it is a miraculous concoction. They basically take a candy bar ( I won't say the name for advertising purposes, but it rhymes with Bickers), poke a stick through it, drown it in funnel cake batter, and fry it. Then, when it's golden, they pull it out, plop it on a cardboard bowl and shake powdered sugar on top.
Thou art a bountiful and sweet God, to present such a treasure.
You have no idea what glorious greatness awaits you with this little morsel until you try it. Honestly.
I ate this about 16 hours ago now, and I literally cannot stop thinking about it. You know, like when you fall in love with someone, and all you can do is think about them, and you can't wait to see them again, and you're trying to think to yourself, "how can I arrange to run into them again soon?" I'm feeling this for a fried treat! Something is really wrong with me. It's taking over my life. I think I know what junkies feel like now. I'm reading newspapers in back alleys, searching for the next county fair where I can make my next score.
I'm so ashamed.

Right before the unpleasantness began

And Maynard's heart beats just a little bit faster...

From 90210 To Gotham City? Brian Austin Green Makes Pitch For Riddler Casting

With all the campaign talk, it’s starting to feel like an election year: Johnny Depp for the Riddler, Angelina Jolie versus Maggie Gyllenhaal returning from the dead for Catwoman.

But there’s a dark horse who wants to get his name on the ballot — a name you might not expect — for the part of Mr. Ed Nygma, should the villain get a role in the next Batman film.

“I would love to be the Riddler,” Brian Austin Green told MTV News.

In case you’re thinking “WTF? David Silver?” — let us remind you that in the years since “Beverly Hills, 90210,” Green has rebooted himself as an actor. Perhaps not to the same degree as Christopher Nolan rebooted Batman, or Heath Ledger the Joker, but check out Green playing himself in “Domino” (for a much-appreciated sense of self-deprecation) or Derek Reese in “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” (where he’s barely recognizable), and you’ll come to see that Green has progressed significantly since the days when he competed with Tori Spelling for worst actor. Green knows it’s a long shot, but despite his role on “Terminator,” “I’d like to be in the next ‘Batman,’ even though I am busy killing machines and people,” he said. (We hope he just means on the show).

“I hope to God that they don’t try to replace Heath and have the Joker,” Green added. “And Two-Face is gone.” So they need a new villain, and the Riddler makes sense,” he said. Not that he’s thought it so far ahead that he actually knows what he’d want to do with the Riddler, however.

“That’s impossible to answer now,” Green said. “That would take years of preparation. It’s tough. Heath set the bar at a new level, which I think is fantastic for comic book lovers and movie lovers. He changed the face of what people expect out of those films. If you watch the old ones, I mean, they were great for what they were, having Danny Elfman’s music, but this is a new level.”

Source: MTV

Warner Brothers are greedy bastards.

It's not like I haven't been waiting on pins & needles for 'Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince' to come out in November. Oh no, not at all. Now the greedy bastards at Warner Bros. have apparently postponed the opening date until July of '09! Why? Because they're greedy bastards, that's why.

In a surprise move, Warner Brothers announced on Aug. 14 that it is delaying the release of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince to July 17, 2009, from its original Nov. 11 opening date.

Alan Horn, (a greedy bastard) Warner's president and chief operating officer, cited two reasons for the move. "We know the summer season is an ideal window for a family tent-pole release, as proven by the success of our last Harry Potter film, which is the second-highest grossing film in the franchise, behind only the first installment," Horn said in a statement. "Additionally, like every other studio, we are still feeling the repercussions of the writers' strike, which impacted the readiness of scripts for other films--changing the competitive landscape for 2009 and offering new windows of opportunity that we wanted to take advantage of. We agreed the best strategy was to move Half-Blood Prince to July, where it perfectly fills the gap for a major tent-pole release for mid-summer."
The rest of the article is here.

Translation: We are greedy bastards, and we don't really give a crap that you fans have been looking forward to November, we are going to squeeze every last dollar out of you that we can. Why? Because we're greedy bastards, that's why.

My new favorite word is 'Heinous'

Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines "heinous'-

Main Entry:
hei·nous Listen to the pronunciation of heinous
Pronunciation: \ˈhā-nəs\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French hainus, heinous, from haine hate, from hair to hate, of Germanic origin; akin to Old High German haz hate — more at hate
Date: 14th century
— hei·nous·ly adverb
— hei·nous·ness noun
Used in a sentence: "The band Coldplay is completely heinous."

: hatefully or shockingly evil : abominable


Sounds about right.

"You're the same age as my Mom!"

So those of you who know me, know that I am currently working at a veterinarian hospital. It's a fun place to work, for the most part. I like the people I work with, mostly. We happened to hire a new pet nurse this week; she seems like a nice gal. Until I got into a conversation with her today, and she utters these words to me! "You're the same age as my mom!" Why this sentence should bug me so bad, I don't know, but it did. Maybe because a co-worker is supposed to be like, I don't know, a peer? And here, this gal (who is 20 by the way) is young enough to be my kid. Yikes. Better go refill my frickin Geritol!

Wrong Tape, Mr. Rogers!

Retro Trixie

I've been in a weird mood lately, pondering life and death and our place in the universe. Yeah, right. Actually, I was wondering what happened to all my favorite candy bars that I grew up with, and became melancholy at their absence. So this got me to looking around on the 'net and doing a search for all that was wholesome and glorious about growing up in the 70's. Feel free to share your own in the comments!

1.) Candy Lipstick/Jewelry
I don't know about you, but as a little girl, this was a cool one. Wanting to be 'grown up' enough to play with mom's makeup and jewelry, but this was even better cause you could eat it!

2.) Sugar Babies
Although these aren't exactly retro, and are still easily found, they do take me back to a simpler time. Unfortunately, it happens to be a time when I used to get drunk with my friends and for some reason always craved these when I did. I can remember distinctly riding around in the back of my friend's Ford Escort, with a 2 liter bottle of Sun Country wine cooler in one hand, and pack of Sugar Babies in the other. My poor friend Amy later got grounded for 2 weeks because her dad found ground-in sugar-coated goodness all over the back seat. Stuff's impossible to get out, especially in the teeth; which is one reason my dental bills have been so high as an adult.

3.) Holly Hobbie

I LOVED anything Holly Hobbie when I was a kid. I had the Easy Bake Oven, the lunchbox, the little doll with the gazebo. I loved her so much, I even bought the gazebo off of ebay a couple years ago. It's currently sitting in a box in my garage. I haven't done anything with it, and let's face it, Molly is not big on dolls anymore, so why do I keep it? Dunno. But it's still there, for when I need it.

4.) "Little Professor" calculator


Remember this guy? I found one at the antique mall a while back, and one look at it made me feel like I was a kid again. It's amazing how electronics have grown; my kids get to play with the Wii, I had a calculator. Wheee.

5.) Tree Tots Treehouse

Ok, who did not have one of these? With the pop-up top, and the handle that you can carry it with you to Gramma's house, this was our version of the game-boy.

6.) Free To Be You and Me

This was a movie that we used to watch every year in school on the last day before Christmas break. (You know, back when you could call it 'Christmas Break' and not "Winter Festivus" for fear of offending someone?) It featured Marlo Thomas, Roberta Flack, and Rosey Greer, to name a few, and a young Michael Jackson, back when he was still black, and a male, and not looking like (to quote my daughter) 'something from Cat in the Hat'.

It's so funny how little things can take you back to your childhood; a song, a smell, a taste. It's comforting somehow I guess. I hope my kids have little things like that to look back on fondly. I just hope it's not anything to do with Paris Hilton.

The Rachael Ray Sucks Community

What is the deal, I ask you people? Of all my postings this past year, the only one that people read is about Rachael Ray. With everything that goes on in this crazy world, one little freak is getting far too much attention. Yah, I said it. Freak. But, lest you think I am a big old meanie pants, I will direct you to a new website I've found that takes it a step further.

The Rachael Ray Sucks Community

With name twists such as "the Boobless Wonder", "Whorelet", "Wretchel Ray", or my personal favorite, "Rectoidal Ray", the geniuses behind this anti-fan site have way too much time on their hands, and what is so completely ironic is they seem to have no idea that with their bashing they are only furthering her popularity, because people like you that do searches for her, scrabbling for any piece of info on her that you can feast your weird little eyes on, will go right to the site. And of course, what happens after your visit? Well, if no naked pics are found, half of you will harrumph in defeat and go somewhere else, the other half will fly into outrage that someone is dissing the golden girl, and unleash the rage through anonymous posts on the site. Either way, ya gotta check it out.

So Megaton Maynard has announced his new sidekick

Thank you for being a friend.

RIP Estelle Getty
July 25, 1923-July 22, 2008

I freakin' love Craig's List

Ok, I was really bored, and surfing the best of Craig's List, and came across this little gem. It made me giggle.

to the guy doing my wife
Date: 2008-02-21, 1:43PM CST

To the guy doing my wife. You know who you are. Yes I know. No I am not angry, I would just ask a few things of you. After all you are giving it to my wife.

1.Please stop leaving the seat up, I keep getting blamed and it is starting to get old.

2.You may be giving me a chance to go fishing more often but please stop drinking all my beer. It is fine if you have a couple while you visit(god knows
I drink plenty before I find her attractive), but please leave me a few as I have to be there longer than you.

3.If you do drink the last one buy more or leave money on the counter I will pick some up.

4.Please replace the toilet paper when you use it all. For some reason my 5 year old son belives if its not there he does not have to wipe. We keep it under the sink, unless you can recomend a better spot?

5.Please do not tell my children that you are their uncle, they are young not
mentaly challenged.

8.When she asks "do these pants make me look fat", say no. You may think giving a different answer will make her think twice about eating a gallon of ice cream a day but all you are doing is giving her a reason to go buy more pants that she will look just as fat in.

9.Stop eating the baked goods. The brownies you ate were from my mom for my birthday. My wife has not cooked anything that good for years and if she does she will not share.

10.Try shifting your weight when you sit on my chair. The recliner that I rarely have time for (soccer games and practice, basketball camp for the kids takes much of my time and I try to help with school work too)has a grove in it that forces me to roll to the left.

Lastly I would like thank you for taking her to lunch on Valentines Day. She was not as hungry as usual and only orded one meal.I may be able to use the money I saved to take the children to a movie. I hope you can help me with these items, it may become ackward if I have to confront her. If you can do this for me I will give you a heads up on when I will be gone and for how long so that you don't feel rushed.

P.S. I am going to take the kids to the Great Wolf Lodge on the 3rd of April for four days, I have abottle of vodka above the fridge if you find yourself low on beer.

Thanks This was not writen by anyone named Jack S.

* Location: omaha
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 581897835

Another gem from Craig's List

To my neighbor who I saw pooping in his yard yesterday - w4m
Date: 2008-06-05, 2:52PM EDT

I saw you couched down with your pants around your ankles. I asked "Hey, what are you doing?". Your reply was "Pooping in a groundhog hole! I read about it online. It's suppose to trick the groundhog into thinking another animal has moved into it's lair.".

Since you are normally a sane person I refrained from calling the police.

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 708850980

Ok, I know what you're thinking...

Although there is a striking resemblance between this couple and another pair of hotties you all know and love, I can assure you, Andy is not that hairy. Besides, if we were actually at a Nascar event, don't you think you would have heard about it endlessly from him?

Sometimes you just need a wife

I must be really tired....

....because this made me laugh my butt off.
There's nothing quite so precious as a baby's laugh...except when it's completely ruined by putting it in slow-motion...it sounds like this baby is getting ready to feast on the blood of puppies...as I said, it's late and I'm tired....sorry.

More reasons why I'm so glad I'm taken

http://view.break.com/527579 - Watch more free videos

This is a hilarious bit of creepiness, phone messages that were left for some lucky gal named Olga, from a guy named Dmitri, that supposedly met for like 2 minutes. It's a complete mystery why she didn't call this guy back right away.

Good planning.

This is what I want from gymnastics

Wal Mart FAIL

More demotivators