Frustration

My son is autistic. Don't know why that has always been so hard for me to say. He was diagnosed 12 years ago, you'd think I'd be ok with it by now. I remember it so clearly. Took him to preschool; I knew he wasn't talking but assumed it was because he wasn't around other kids much. Went to pick him up from school, after 1 week, his teacher says, "There's something wrong with him, don't bring him back." I detest that woman to this day. She was right to tell me, but could have handled it much better. Who wants to hear that, ya know?

I lucked out in the fact that I was able to get him help from the get-go. Had a friend who knew a speech pathologist, I had her come out to the house to evaluate him. This lady was awesome, she really was. After observing him for a while, she comes back with the hated words - autistic. Wow. At that time, all I could think was what everybody else thinks immediately - retarded. (With a little research, I soon found out how wrong I was, thankfully!) I knew nothing about it, aside from Dustin Hoffman in Rainman. So, took him to Akron Children's to get tested, came back with the dreaded diagnosis. Autism. I just remember bawling and bawling. Looking at this little face that I loved more than anything in the world, I'm thinking; what is his life going to be? Will he ever speak, how bad is it, will he have to be institutionalized, every worst case scenario goes through your head. And of course, the guilt sets in - the irrational stupid guilt that plagues me to this day, even though my head says it's dumb. Is he paying for my sins? (Not that I feel I had many, but hey- ya never know!)

When I think back though, I am so amazed at how far he's come. He's 15 now, starting high school this fall, last year he got an award for being on the honor roll for the whole year! I'm happy to say, he did learn to speak. He's even learned to backtalk his dad, which is an endless sense of amusement to me! He has overcome so much - I just can't believe how proud I am of this kid. It's amazing.

They say that autistic kids see the world differently. The things he does and says, I really wish more people saw the world the way he does. Maybe we're the ones screwed up.

http://www.cureautismnow.org
http://www.autism.org
http://www.autism-society.org