Trixie's House of Blog

Kanye West should be euthanized

2009-02-28T08:01:00.004-05:00

Ok. I have tried to live and let live. But I can hold my tongue no longer. This dude is the douchiest douchebag that ever walked the planet and needs to be disposed of.
Here's a picture of Kanye in case you don't know what he looks like:

Oops sorry, my mistake.

I could regale you all with the endless parade of stupidity that he has shown over the years, but I know you won't read it unless it's about Rachael Ray, so please humor me while I vent.
The latest comments this ass has made at some kind of show on some kind of network that used to play some kind of music or something involve giving "Chris Brown a break".
In case you've been in a freakin' box this month, or done nothing but Google Rachael Ray (you know who you are loyal readers) you know that Chris Brown is another retard that beat the hell out of his girlfriend Rihanna. Oh sorry, allegedly; I guess pictures aren't proof.
This is the ass's latest stupid comments:

Some of West's choicer comments ended up on the cutting room floor, but there's no political conspiracy afoot, said executive producer Bill Flanagan. "A lot of the stories that Kanye told went long," Flanagan told Reuters on Thursday. "I tried to get to the essence of his comments." (At one point) West asked the crowd, "Can't we give Chris (Brown) a break? ... I know I make mistakes in life … Michael Jackson, amazing. Michael Phelps, amazing ... He's a real fuckin' person; he makes mistakes … O.J. Simpson, amazing. Is he not? What he did, when he did, what he did. Was he not amazing though?"

Yes, he did an amazing job slicing open two people. Awesome.

How much dumber can one man get? Is there a limit? If there is, I think he may have hit it.
Before you Kanye fans get all up on me, I understand what he is trying to say. These people all have talent, and we should appreciate them for their talents. I get it. But does having a few hit songs, or being able to carry a ball mean we need to give them a free pass to assholery?!
I say nay. Nail 'em to the fuckin' wall. Better yet, send them to Singapore for a good caning. And send Kanye with them. Douchebag.

Farewell

2009-02-23T23:01:00.003-05:00

I had to put my dog to sleep yesterday.
It sucked.
Sparky was a month away from being 11 years old. He had been throwing up in an increasing frequency for the last 6 months. Radiographs told us it was likely a tumor growing in the belly. We made the decision not to do surgery, for financial reasons and also the fact of his age. Didn't want to put him through that. It finally got to the point where he was losing far too much weight and muscle tone, was becoming weak, and we just couldn't let him suffer like that. I knew it would be hard, I just didn't know how hard.
We got Sparky the week after Andy and I were married. We called him our "Honeymoon Dog". Just a few days after we wed, we took Alex to PetSmart where they were having adoptions from the Humane Society. Just to look, of course. Ha ha. There he was; the cutest little German Shepherd mix. His ears were flopping over his eyes, and we picked him up and right away he tried to crawl into the crook of our necks to cuddle. I'll never forget holding him up to my face, looking into those big sad eyes and thinking, "Oh crap, we're goners."
That night we had a big thunderstorm, and Andy held him on his chest the whole night. That's when he became "Andy's puppy". He never wanted anything to do with Alex or me for quite a while; those two bonded.
I tried so hard not to love this dog. I had my best friend, and lost him. A Shih-Tzu named Boomer, my baby, when I was a teenager, that had renal failure at the age of 6; one day I came home from school, and my parents told me they took him in to be put down and that was it, I never got to say goodbye. That devestated me at the time, and I swore I was never going to go through that again. I tried to keep Sparky at arms length for years, but dammit if he didn't worm his way in!
Sunday we took him in, to the hospital where I work. They knew I was coming, I had talked to my boss a couple days before and he knew there was nothing more to be done for him. I remember him asking me if I was ready mentally to do this. I told him yes. I was wrong.

We had the kids tell him goodbye. That was awful, but I wanted them to have that closure. They were so mature about it though, no matter how bad they were hurting. I have awesome kids.

We got to the hospital, and I didn't even get into the door before the tears started. Maybe it's because I see it all the time, maybe it's just because this was the first time I had to make the decision, I don't know, but all of a sudden it was like I hit a panic wall and couldn't make myself do it. I didn't want to walk in the door. Only Andy taking my hand and telling me, "We have to do this." got me in the door. And of course the place had to be teeming with people, all the ones I work with everyday, and clients; they're all watching us walk in, my face streaming with tears. Very embarrassing, but at that point I didn't care. I love my co-workers though, they ushered us right into a room away from the looker's-on. Doc came right in and gave Sparky a shot of Telazol, a sedative to relax him. He told us we had about 5-6 minutes to say goodbye. That was probably one of the worse moments of my life so far. The Telazol scared him I think; he didn't like the loss of control, he stumbled around and we tried so hard to get him to just lay down, afraid he would fall, and we cried so hard I thought we would never stop. His eyes leaked; I know it was just liquid but God it looked like he was crying. Andy said he wanted to stay for the actual shot; at work we call it "pink juice", I don't know what it's in it, but it makes the heart stop. I didn't want Andy to be there, I've seen it work before and I didn't want him to watch Sparky's eyes cloud over and lose their light. So we hugged him and told him goodbye and left.

I've talked to people before that have lost a pet, and they go on and on about it and I think to myself, "People, it's an animal; get a grip." Ha ha, joke's on me. I never dreamed how bad this would hurt, not just making the decision to end his life, but the part that comes after. Thinking of how cute he was, or what a great pal and protector, and how loyal. All he ever wanted was our love. It is breaking my heart that he is not laying on the couch beside me right now keeping me company when everybody else is in bed. I remember how he used to lay by Molly's crib when she first came home from the hospital, not quite sure what to make of her. How he would jump up in bed with Alex to wake him up in the mornings. How he would be so damn happy and do his puppy wiggles when we came home. How he would play 'sock' with my mom when she came over. Just burying my face in his fur and feeling all warm and cozy, and stroking his velvety ears. I'm never going to feel that again. I'm never going to see him smile again. This house is so damn quiet now. Although I swear last night I heard him walking across the floor in the kitchen; it was so loud I turned to look, expecting to see him.

I can't believe how much I miss this dog, that I always 'tolerated' and never wanted to love. I know he's with Boomer up there, and Andy's Duke's, and I know he's chasing deer and Mama Kitties and that he's happy and healthy and I will see him again. But I miss him. And I do feel like a big chunk of my heart is there with him. And I'm glad that we had him for 11 years. And I also know that someday I'm going to have to do this again. So I won't try and deny the next one, I'll just give in right away and enjoy the ride.

LOLCelebrities

2008-11-12T08:21:00.008-05:00

for Andy and Maynard

2008-11-12T08:08:00.000-05:00

Sir, you go too far!

2008-11-11T21:08:00.001-05:00

A sport my hubby can play!

2008-11-11T09:49:00.001-05:00

Ah, Election Season is over

2008-11-07T06:39:00.002-05:00

Well, the American people have spoken. Regardless of who you voted for, I think we are all in agreement of one thing; thank GOD the ads are done. But, ah what a year (well, 2 years actually)
The dudes over at Best Week Ever put together this introspective look at the biggest election in American history. Enjoy!

Campaign for the President: A Tribute @ Yahoo! Video

Trick or Treats

2008-11-01T00:07:00.001-04:00

My pirate princess, and my rock & roller. Aren't they awesome?

I'm so jealous

2008-10-31T16:14:00.000-04:00

2008-10-31T15:49:00.001-04:00

Happy Halloween!

Not that I'm commenting politically

2008-10-30T09:55:00.000-04:00

It's coming....

2008-10-30T09:50:00.002-04:00

Oh, winter....how I am dreading you....

Tee hee for the day

2008-10-30T08:11:00.001-04:00

Why can't the boy ghost have babies?

Because he has a 'Hallo-weenie'.

Go ahead, blast me in the comments.

In honor of Halloween, the video for Thriller

2008-10-29T07:11:00.002-04:00

But....it's a little different from what I remember.

It's here!

2008-10-27T07:22:00.001-04:00

But we have to wait til July.....dammit.

Let me tell ya where I stand

2008-10-23T10:55:00.003-04:00

I can't freakin' wait for elections to be over.

It has nothing to do with the incessant mud-slinging from both sides, although that would be enough. It's not even the fact that I can't sit down to watch tv or have dinner with my family without the commercials running, or the phone ringing, telling me how to think, how not to think, who I should vote for.

It's the arguing.

Not the candidates; us. I hate it. I liked it much better when I was younger and didn't give a shit. Picking a side polarizes, obviously. I am not one to have a lively discussion and agree to disagree. I try, but I can't. Well, I should say, I'm going to now. People keep asking me where I stand, and I haven't even wanted to get into it. So, here it goes, this is where I stand.

I believe in the sanctity of marriage. But I also believe you should be able to love whoever you love and have the same rights as I do. With everything else that's shitty in the world, do we have to point and tell you who you can marry? Worry about something else already.

I don't believe in killing babies. But I also don't believe it should go back to being done in back alleys.

I believe in assistance, helping someone who can't help themselves. But I don't believe in 'sharing the wealth'. If my husband works his ass off to provide for his family, I don't believe part of it should be given to the guy who drinks beer all day and sits in front of the tv, because he's too 'stressed' to get a job. Call me kooky, call me a neo-con fascist, I don't really care.

I don't believe all Muslims are evil. I also don't believe all Christians are evil either.

I don't believe Bill Clinton was the greatest president in history, and how the economy under his presidency was 'awesome'. I think he's a charming guy who got lucky in the fact that the big internet boom was going on at the same time, boosting the economy. Yes, luck, in the same sense of how not lucky it was for another president to have 4 planes crashing our country during his first few months in office.

Yes, I voted for George Bush. Twice. There, I said it. And I still think he was the better choice at the time. I believe in why we went to war. I don't believe we should still be there, but I don't have an answer for how we can get out safely. Do I believe there was a complete foobar over there? Hell yes I do. But I also don't think it was one man's fault.

I like Barack Obama. I voted for him in the primaries. I wish he would win for the fact that I think he would be a great roll model for young black men, AND young white men. I think he's got some great ideas, and I think he really cares. Honestly. But he scares me. I don't think socialism works.

Sarah Palin? I don't think she's the idiot people say she is; quite frankly she couldn't be and get where she is. So she winks at the camera and acts flirty? HELLO! Have you ever met a pretty woman that didn't?! That's what we're taught to do to get ahead in life!!

John McCain? Who knows. Yeah, he's an old dude. But he deserves a big amount of respect for his service to this country and I challenge anybody to say he hasn't.

Smarmy Biden? Yikes. People make fun of Bush for his glib attitude? You can almost see the *ding* of light reflecting off his perfect teeth. I can't STAND this guy, and it's not even about his great work in his home state. (uh...???!)

So, who am I voting for? I don't have a freakin clue. All I know is, I'm really worried about everything that's going on right now. My faith tells me to just pray for whoever the right person is to win. So that's what I intend to do. I'm also going to go all Rodney King and start shouting, "Can't we all just get along?!?!" I have very dear friends who I adore, and will never agree with on politics, or religion, so I intend to not discuss it with them, and hope that they love me enough to let me believe the way I want to believe, as I love them for what they believe. And forgive me for that terrible run-on sentence while they're at it.

Right on

2008-10-21T10:24:00.000-04:00

A fantastic Fall day

2008-10-19T14:44:00.008-04:00

Saturday the fam and I were able to take advantage of a beautiful day and went hiking with our friends Kev, Shan & McKenna in the Cuyahoga Valley. It was awesome and beautiful and even though we all were completely worn out and exhausted by the end of the trail, we had a great time!
Me & my boy
Trixie and the Deuce!
Alex's future album cover!
Momma & her gal

What a cute couple!

2008-10-19T12:34:00.000-04:00

Episode 2

2008-10-18T08:49:00.002-04:00

For your listening pleasure, Episode 2 of PERVcast is up and ready!

Click here!

And for those who may have missed it, Episode 1.

My husband is going to be so jealous

2008-10-17T15:19:00.000-04:00

ICYMI - 7 Yr. Old Break Dancer On Ellen @ Yahoo! Video

Perhaps the coolest kid ever.

Linkage

2008-10-12T18:35:00.003-04:00

Hey y'all!
We're podcasters now! Link here to the Ohio Paranormal Evaluation Research and Validation Society's first of many podcasts.

And, in answer to your question, we were perfectly sober while recording it.

Pay special attention to the intro music, composed by our son, AJ Donaldson!

This is what Baby Sara should be for Halloween

2008-10-11T09:44:00.001-04:00

Baby Medusa!
Just like her momma!

No reason

2008-10-10T14:37:00.000-04:00

Just found this old pic of Molly and had to share. Ain't she gorgeous?

Uh oh.

2008-10-09T12:02:00.001-04:00

Somebody found Sarah Palin's notes during the debate!

2008-10-04T11:23:00.002-04:00

Alanis is back.

2008-10-04T10:00:00.001-04:00

It's no Bawatabawa, but I like it.

2008-10-04T09:56:00.001-04:00

If the Elections were an 80's Sitcom

2008-10-03T17:05:00.002-04:00

If The 2008 Presidential Election Was A Sitcom - Watch more free videos

It's already entertaining, why not?
Stolen from Holy Taco

2008-10-02T23:06:00.000-04:00

2008-10-02T20:52:00.001-04:00

2008-10-02T20:26:00.000-04:00

An Open Letter to my Fellow Man (and Woman)

2008-10-01T10:05:00.002-04:00

Hello Sir or Madam,

I have many years of experience in working with you. I have served you faithfully over the years, in many aspects. In my younger days, I have been able to let most things roll off my back. But since I am getting older, and less patient, I feel I have to make my feelings known.

Here are just a few guidelines I think you need to go by:

1.) I don't give a damn who says it, the customer is not always right. Sometimes you are just an asshole.

2.) When you go up to a counter, I don't care how big of a hurry you are in, if someone is being waited on, do not interrupt to ask a stupid question. It makes you look stupid and rude. Wait politely to the side until the employee makes eye contact. At that point, it's fair game to ask a dumb question. YOU are NOT more important than the person in front of you. Sorry to break it to you.

3.) While it is ok to call a place of business to ask a quick question, such as prices, availability, or store hours, it is NOT ok to keep that person on the phone for a complete rundown of every price on every service in the store, and to tell said person on the phone your entire life history. What you are doing by this is, a.) making the person who got off their ass and drove down to the store to get something in person wait, and b.) tie up the employee unnecessarily. Both are unacceptable. Douche.

4.) Watch your kids. This should be obvious, but for some needs to be emphasized. Please don't let your little monkey crawl all over my counter, because inevitably, it will be a filthy, semi-diseased, snot-filled mutant that will either a.) sneeze on me and make me take something nasty home to my own kids, b.) get something sticky all over my phone, or c.) fall and crack their pointed heads, thus creating that huge piercing scream that goes so well with the yapping pomeranians that are crapping on the other side of my desk.

5.) Do a google search for 'common courtesy' and find out what it means. It's not hard to hold open a frickin' door for someone, or God forbid, say THANK YOU when someone does it for you. My children know how to say thank you, what is it about a 30 yr old woman that she has forgotten? Don't you realize you can make or break a person's day just by saying or refusing to say 'thank you'?

6.) There is nothing wrong with someone that makes minimum wage. Let me repeat that: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH SOMEONE THAT MAKES MINIMUM WAGE! It does not mean they are lazy or stupid or whatever. You don't need to treat us as such. Just because you may make more money than I do, DOES NOT give you the permission to talk down to me and make me feel less than you. Because you are not any better than the person handing you your change. Bitch.

I am on the other side of the counter as well, and believe me, I know it can be annoying to have an obnoxious little twit waiting on you. But I also know, that no matter how bad a day I am having, or how many people have pissed me off, or any tragedy in the day to day drama of life, if I have someone smile at me, I refuse to be rude to them. I am not that much of a bitch. And there is no reason for you to be either.

So suck it.

No Nonsense

2008-09-27T09:33:00.002-04:00

Some of you that know me may have become aware, through me shouting from the rooftops, that I have lost a little bit of weight. Not that I've been exactly trying, but it helps when you are running your ass off at work, after a pretty much sedentary lifestyle. Translation: yes I'm a couch potato. But, with the new job at a pet hospital, and the fact that my boss thinks it's bad form to give me a stool to sit on, I am on my feet and running about 40 hours a week. Naturally, I've lost a few pounds. So far I've lost around 40, give or take, depending on the day and which shoes I'm wearing, and I do feel a difference. I have much more energy! Like, now when I'm plopped in front of the tv, I'm able to cross my legs and bob my foot, without losing circulation. It's great.
Now, while I say that, I also realize I have far to go. The realization of which comes out at certain times. Case in point, while putting on panty hose.
Again, after practically living in scrubs all week, occasionally I do like to dress like a girl, so this weekend, after a long absence from them, I bought panty hose. Something I hadn't had an occasion to wear for quite a while.
So, when I decide I'm going to wear them, I go to the fancy store to buy a pair - Discount Drug Mart.
Oh, whatever. Don't judge.
So at this point, I'm thinking what a shlump I am, because I don't even recognize the brands anymore. How long has it been since I've bought them? But, I'm all excited, cause I 'm thinking, wow, what size am I in now? I've gone down about 5 sizes in my regular clothes, what size pantyhose am I in, I'm thinking gleefully. I pick up a No-Nonsense, look on the back and realize, 'Oh, same size as before. Ok.' Nice. Who sizes these things?

So anyway, I pick the 'control- top' kind, because I want to appear even slimmer and trimmer than I already am. Ha ha. The magnitude of this mistake becomes a little clearer in a moment.
That evening as I'm dressing, I pull the hose out of the package, marveling at their shiny sheen. I'm pulling them up over my feet, taking special care not to snag them on my toenails. (Ok, if I haven't bought pantyhose in a while, do you honestly think I've had a pedicure any time in the last decade?) Pulling them up to my knees I stand up.....and they go no further. Now, every woman knows these things stretch, right, I understand; but it's at that point I begin to notice the fabric of these pantyhose. They are like vulcanized rubber under the guise of fashion. Seriously. I realize at this point that I'm going to have a struggle on my hands.

Approximately twenty minutes later, after fighting and pulling and lying on my back, bargaining with God, sticking my legs up in the air, hanging on to the bedpost like Scarlet ("make me 19 inches Mammy!") I finally get them mid-thigh. I'm seeing spots behind my eyes, and having a hard time breathing. Putting on stockings should not give me a pain in my left arm, right?
Imagine if you will, these steel-belted radials of fabric digging into the fattest part of my thigh, completely cutting off circulation. It's making my butt look like a muffin top. Very attractive.
After I catch my breath, and stave off asphyxiation, I think to myself, this is ridiculous, and with a mighty heave ho, I finally get them pulled up to my waist. VICTORY IS MINE!
It's at this point, that my wonderful husband walks in. Now, I can only imagine his view from the bedroom door, I am barely standing upright, these torturous pantyhose spraypainted across my ass, and what does this lovely man say?

"Hoowee, look at that sombitch stretch!"

I turn in shock, disbelieving that he's made that douchy of a comment, and as I spin, the top of the pantyhose make an audible pop! and immediately roll down of their own accord, my ass and thighs spilling out in a mighty bounce of relief. Thank GOD I am free.
And I prepare to make my husband pay.

Needless to say I was able to catch him cause I weigh less now.

Abusive language alert

2008-09-11T09:54:00.001-04:00

http://view.break.com/491919 - Watch more free videos

If you're offended, go somewhere else; this is hilarious.

2008-09-10T13:11:00.001-04:00

2008-09-10T13:06:00.000-04:00

Stolen from this guy

2008-09-10T12:45:00.000-04:00

Megaton Maynard's New Sidekick - Bunnyman

2008-09-09T22:05:00.000-04:00

A Perfect Day

2008-09-01T07:12:00.002-04:00

Yesterday we took the kids to the Cleveland Air Show. This is the third time in a row we've gone, and by far the best time. Andy was able to score some fantastic tickets from a vendor at work, and we got great seats; a covered tent, a catered lunch, all the pop, water and beer you could drink. (Although I kept the kids at a minimum; those little buggers are lushes...ha ha) Ice cream and cookies for the kids. Andy actually got to hold the pole that the stunt pilot flies through on the field, which he was grinning like a little kid when he got back, although I was mentally configuring his life insurance payments the whole time. It was a beautiful, sunny day, a wonderful cool breeze kept it from being too hot; it was great. I don't know if I just appreciate these kinds of days more since I'm working, and not able to spend as much time with the fam as before, but I really cherish these kinds of days.
But what I really have to comment on is my experience with the Fried Candy Bar.
Oh yeah. If you haven't been there before, it is a miraculous concoction. They basically take a candy bar ( I won't say the name for advertising purposes, but it rhymes with Bickers), poke a stick through it, drown it in funnel cake batter, and fry it. Then, when it's golden, they pull it out, plop it on a cardboard bowl and shake powdered sugar on top.
Thou art a bountiful and sweet God, to present such a treasure.
You have no idea what glorious greatness awaits you with this little morsel until you try it. Honestly.
I ate this about 16 hours ago now, and I literally cannot stop thinking about it. You know, like when you fall in love with someone, and all you can do is think about them, and you can't wait to see them again, and you're trying to think to yourself, "how can I arrange to run into them again soon?" I'm feeling this for a fried treat! Something is really wrong with me. It's taking over my life. I think I know what junkies feel like now. I'm reading newspapers in back alleys, searching for the next county fair where I can make my next score.
I'm so ashamed.

2008-08-24T00:36:00.000-04:00

Right before the unpleasantness began

2008-08-23T00:33:00.000-04:00

2008-08-19T23:29:00.000-04:00

And Maynard's heart beats just a little bit faster...

2008-08-15T22:19:00.002-04:00

From 90210 To Gotham City? Brian Austin Green Makes Pitch For Riddler Casting

With all the campaign talk, it’s starting to feel like an election year: Johnny Depp for the Riddler, Angelina Jolie versus Maggie Gyllenhaal returning from the dead for Catwoman.

But there’s a dark horse who wants to get his name on the ballot — a name you might not expect — for the part of Mr. Ed Nygma, should the villain get a role in the next Batman film.

“I would love to be the Riddler,” Brian Austin Green told MTV News.

In case you’re thinking “WTF? David Silver?” — let us remind you that in the years since “Beverly Hills, 90210,” Green has rebooted himself as an actor. Perhaps not to the same degree as Christopher Nolan rebooted Batman, or Heath Ledger the Joker, but check out Green playing himself in “Domino” (for a much-appreciated sense of self-deprecation) or Derek Reese in “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles” (where he’s barely recognizable), and you’ll come to see that Green has progressed significantly since the days when he competed with Tori Spelling for worst actor. Green knows it’s a long shot, but despite his role on “Terminator,” “I’d like to be in the next ‘Batman,’ even though I am busy killing machines and people,” he said. (We hope he just means on the show).

“I hope to God that they don’t try to replace Heath and have the Joker,” Green added. “And Two-Face is gone.” So they need a new villain, and the Riddler makes sense,” he said. Not that he’s thought it so far ahead that he actually knows what he’d want to do with the Riddler, however.

“That’s impossible to answer now,” Green said. “That would take years of preparation. It’s tough. Heath set the bar at a new level, which I think is fantastic for comic book lovers and movie lovers. He changed the face of what people expect out of those films. If you watch the old ones, I mean, they were great for what they were, having Danny Elfman’s music, but this is a new level.”

Source: MTV

Warner Brothers are greedy bastards.

2008-08-14T20:32:00.003-04:00

It's not like I haven't been waiting on pins & needles for 'Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince' to come out in November. Oh no, not at all. Now the greedy bastards at Warner Bros. have apparently postponed the opening date until July of '09! Why? Because they're greedy bastards, that's why.

In a surprise move, Warner Brothers announced on Aug. 14 that it is delaying the release of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince to July 17, 2009, from its original Nov. 11 opening date.

Alan Horn, (a greedy bastard) Warner's president and chief operating officer, cited two reasons for the move. "We know the summer season is an ideal window for a family tent-pole release, as proven by the success of our last Harry Potter film, which is the second-highest grossing film in the franchise, behind only the first installment," Horn said in a statement. "Additionally, like every other studio, we are still feeling the repercussions of the writers' strike, which impacted the readiness of scripts for other films--changing the competitive landscape for 2009 and offering new windows of opportunity that we wanted to take advantage of. We agreed the best strategy was to move Half-Blood Prince to July, where it perfectly fills the gap for a major tent-pole release for mid-summer."
The rest of the article is here.

Translation: We are greedy bastards, and we don't really give a crap that you fans have been looking forward to November, we are going to squeeze every last dollar out of you that we can. Why? Because we're greedy bastards, that's why.

My new favorite word is 'Heinous'

2008-08-14T10:23:00.003-04:00

Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines "heinous'-

Main Entry:
hei·nous Listen to the pronunciation of heinous
Pronunciation: \ˈhā-nəs\
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle English, from Anglo-French hainus, heinous, from haine hate, from hair to hate, of Germanic origin; akin to Old High German haz hate — more at hate
Date: 14th century
— hei·nous·ly adverb
— hei·nous·ness noun
Used in a sentence: "The band Coldplay is completely heinous."

: hatefully or shockingly evil : abominable

Sounds about right.

"You're the same age as my Mom!"

2008-08-13T21:37:00.002-04:00

So those of you who know me, know that I am currently working at a veterinarian hospital. It's a fun place to work, for the most part. I like the people I work with, mostly. We happened to hire a new pet nurse this week; she seems like a nice gal. Until I got into a conversation with her today, and she utters these words to me! "You're the same age as my mom!" Why this sentence should bug me so bad, I don't know, but it did. Maybe because a co-worker is supposed to be like, I don't know, a peer? And here, this gal (who is 20 by the way) is young enough to be my kid. Yikes. Better go refill my frickin Geritol!

Wrong Tape, Mr. Rogers!

2008-07-29T21:35:00.002-04:00

Retro Trixie

2008-07-25T22:26:00.011-04:00

I've been in a weird mood lately, pondering life and death and our place in the universe. Yeah, right. Actually, I was wondering what happened to all my favorite candy bars that I grew up with, and became melancholy at their absence. So this got me to looking around on the 'net and doing a search for all that was wholesome and glorious about growing up in the 70's. Feel free to share your own in the comments!

1.) Candy Lipstick/Jewelry
I don't know about you, but as a little girl, this was a cool one. Wanting to be 'grown up' enough to play with mom's makeup and jewelry, but this was even better cause you could eat it!

2.) Sugar Babies
Although these aren't exactly retro, and are still easily found, they do take me back to a simpler time. Unfortunately, it happens to be a time when I used to get drunk with my friends and for some reason always craved these when I did. I can remember distinctly riding around in the back of my friend's Ford Escort, with a 2 liter bottle of Sun Country wine cooler in one hand, and pack of Sugar Babies in the other. My poor friend Amy later got grounded for 2 weeks because her dad found ground-in sugar-coated goodness all over the back seat. Stuff's impossible to get out, especially in the teeth; which is one reason my dental bills have been so high as an adult.

3.) Holly Hobbie

I LOVED anything Holly Hobbie when I was a kid. I had the Easy Bake Oven, the lunchbox, the little doll with the gazebo. I loved her so much, I even bought the gazebo off of ebay a couple years ago. It's currently sitting in a box in my garage. I haven't done anything with it, and let's face it, Molly is not big on dolls anymore, so why do I keep it? Dunno. But it's still there, for when I need it.

4.) "Little Professor" calculator

Remember this guy? I found one at the antique mall a while back, and one look at it made me feel like I was a kid again. It's amazing how electronics have grown; my kids get to play with the Wii, I had a calculator. Wheee.

5.) Tree Tots Treehouse

Ok, who did not have one of these? With the pop-up top, and the handle that you can carry it with you to Gramma's house, this was our version of the game-boy.

6.) Free To Be You and Me

This was a movie that we used to watch every year in school on the last day before Christmas break. (You know, back when you could call it 'Christmas Break' and not "Winter Festivus" for fear of offending someone?) It featured Marlo Thomas, Roberta Flack, and Rosey Greer, to name a few, and a young Michael Jackson, back when he was still black, and a male, and not looking like (to quote my daughter) 'something from Cat in the Hat'.

It's so funny how little things can take you back to your childhood; a song, a smell, a taste. It's comforting somehow I guess. I hope my kids have little things like that to look back on fondly. I just hope it's not anything to do with Paris Hilton.

The Rachael Ray Sucks Community

2008-07-23T22:47:00.002-04:00

What is the deal, I ask you people? Of all my postings this past year, the only one that people read is about Rachael Ray. With everything that goes on in this crazy world, one little freak is getting far too much attention. Yah, I said it. Freak. But, lest you think I am a big old meanie pants, I will direct you to a new website I've found that takes it a step further.

The Rachael Ray Sucks Community

With name twists such as "the Boobless Wonder", "Whorelet", "Wretchel Ray", or my personal favorite, "Rectoidal Ray", the geniuses behind this anti-fan site have way too much time on their hands, and what is so completely ironic is they seem to have no idea that with their bashing they are only furthering her popularity, because people like you that do searches for her, scrabbling for any piece of info on her that you can feast your weird little eyes on, will go right to the site. And of course, what happens after your visit? Well, if no naked pics are found, half of you will harrumph in defeat and go somewhere else, the other half will fly into outrage that someone is dissing the golden girl, and unleash the rage through anonymous posts on the site. Either way, ya gotta check it out.

So Megaton Maynard has announced his new sidekick

2008-07-22T23:40:00.002-04:00

Thank you for being a friend.

2008-07-22T19:43:00.001-04:00

RIP Estelle Getty
July 25, 1923-July 22, 2008

I freakin' love Craig's List

2008-07-11T01:19:00.003-04:00

Ok, I was really bored, and surfing the best of Craig's List, and came across this little gem. It made me giggle.

to the guy doing my wife
Date: 2008-02-21, 1:43PM CST

To the guy doing my wife. You know who you are. Yes I know. No I am not angry, I would just ask a few things of you. After all you are giving it to my wife.

1.Please stop leaving the seat up, I keep getting blamed and it is starting to get old.

2.You may be giving me a chance to go fishing more often but please stop drinking all my beer. It is fine if you have a couple while you visit(god knows
I drink plenty before I find her attractive), but please leave me a few as I have to be there longer than you.

3.If you do drink the last one buy more or leave money on the counter I will pick some up.

4.Please replace the toilet paper when you use it all. For some reason my 5 year old son belives if its not there he does not have to wipe. We keep it under the sink, unless you can recomend a better spot?

5.Please do not tell my children that you are their uncle, they are young not
mentaly challenged.

8.When she asks "do these pants make me look fat", say no. You may think giving a different answer will make her think twice about eating a gallon of ice cream a day but all you are doing is giving her a reason to go buy more pants that she will look just as fat in.

9.Stop eating the baked goods. The brownies you ate were from my mom for my birthday. My wife has not cooked anything that good for years and if she does she will not share.

10.Try shifting your weight when you sit on my chair. The recliner that I rarely have time for (soccer games and practice, basketball camp for the kids takes much of my time and I try to help with school work too)has a grove in it that forces me to roll to the left.

Lastly I would like thank you for taking her to lunch on Valentines Day. She was not as hungry as usual and only orded one meal.I may be able to use the money I saved to take the children to a movie. I hope you can help me with these items, it may become ackward if I have to confront her. If you can do this for me I will give you a heads up on when I will be gone and for how long so that you don't feel rushed.

P.S. I am going to take the kids to the Great Wolf Lodge on the 3rd of April for four days, I have abottle of vodka above the fridge if you find yourself low on beer.

Thanks This was not writen by anyone named Jack S.

* Location: omaha
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 581897835

Another gem from Craig's List

2008-07-11T00:58:00.004-04:00

To my neighbor who I saw pooping in his yard yesterday - w4m
Date: 2008-06-05, 2:52PM EDT

I saw you couched down with your pants around your ankles. I asked "Hey, what are you doing?". Your reply was "Pooping in a groundhog hole! I read about it online. It's suppose to trick the groundhog into thinking another animal has moved into it's lair.".

Since you are normally a sane person I refrained from calling the police.

* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 708850980

Ok, I know what you're thinking...

2008-07-11T00:18:00.002-04:00

Although there is a striking resemblance between this couple and another pair of hotties you all know and love, I can assure you, Andy is not that hairy. Besides, if we were actually at a Nascar event, don't you think you would have heard about it endlessly from him?

Sometimes you just need a wife

2008-07-10T23:33:00.000-04:00

I must be really tired....

2008-07-10T00:08:00.004-04:00

....because this made me laugh my butt off.
There's nothing quite so precious as a baby's laugh...except when it's completely ruined by putting it in slow-motion...it sounds like this baby is getting ready to feast on the blood of puppies...as I said, it's late and I'm tired....sorry.

More reasons why I'm so glad I'm taken

2008-07-09T23:57:00.003-04:00

http://view.break.com/527579 - Watch more free videos

This is a hilarious bit of creepiness, phone messages that were left for some lucky gal named Olga, from a guy named Dmitri, that supposedly met for like 2 minutes. It's a complete mystery why she didn't call this guy back right away.

Good planning.

2008-07-09T23:30:00.001-04:00

This is what I want from gymnastics

2008-07-09T23:11:00.000-04:00

Wal Mart FAIL

2008-06-22T01:06:00.000-04:00

More demotivators

2008-06-21T23:36:00.008-04:00

Educational Video

2008-06-21T22:51:00.001-04:00

Proof.

2008-06-21T10:43:00.003-04:00

The following picture was taken at a Coldplay concert for the BBC; it includes Jay Z, Ricky Gervais, and an unknown white woman.

THIS IS WHAT PEOPLE LOOK LIKE WHEN THEY LISTEN TO COLDPLAY!!!!!

COLDPLAY BRINGS NO ONE JOY!!!!!

Take that, Andy.

Jurassic Park in da hood

2008-06-20T13:43:00.004-04:00

http://view.break.com/514668 - Watch more free videos

Something else I've stolen from Holy Taco. This is awesome, but don't listen if you're at work, or offended by harsh language. (Course, why would you be here anyway if you were?)

The coolest Bar Mitzvah ever

2008-06-20T13:33:00.002-04:00

http://view.break.com/479183 - Watch more free videos

Epilogue: For the kid's 14th birthday, he ingested a cocktail of Ajax, vodka, and paint thinner so he could escape from the haunting images of his beloved family. Be sure to check out the rockin' grampa, and the drunk aunt in pink on the left.

I don't care how big her behind is, she's ok in my book!

2008-06-18T10:24:00.001-04:00

NEW YORK — Students at a Staten Island, New York, elementary school for autistic children sure like the way Jennifer Lopez moves.

Teacher Kathy Amati and a paraprofessional showed the video for Lopez's "Let's Get Loud" to the students at P.S. 37. The children liked it so much, they wanted to watch it every day.

They learned the lyrics and the dance moves from the video.

With their teacher's encouragement, they wrote to Lopez, hoping for pictures or an autograph. Instead, she asked to come to their graduation.

On Tuesday, the singer-actress performed "Let's Get Loud" for a group of eight 10- and 11-year-olds at their graduation ceremony.

Finally!

2008-06-17T17:25:00.002-04:00

I stumbled across this today. Really great advice from an intelligent man. I especially love the epilogue!

Matrimonial advice from a very considerate & loving husband:

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it
becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as
when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them.
Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive
woman.

My name is Jeff. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my
wife, Susie. Since I retired several years ago, it has become necessary
for Susie to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for
extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. It was then I
noticed she was starting to show her age.

I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets
home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always
says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I
don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me
when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's
Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some
home-cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's
not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.
I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each
evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates
this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes
to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will
say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills
during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I
just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over
two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also
remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her
any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong
points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest
periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing
the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix
herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just
sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may
as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Susie.
I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men
will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows
better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.

However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less
criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider
that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth
to help each other.

Sincerely, Jeff

EDITOR'S NOTE

Jeff died suddenly on March 1 of a perforated rectum. The police report
says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver
II golf club jammed up his backside, with barely 5 inches of grip
showing and a sledge hammer laying nearby.

His wife Susie was arrested and charged with murder.

The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her Not Guilty,
accepting her defence that Jeff somehow, without looking, accidentally
sat down on his golf club.

More Harry

2008-06-13T12:39:00.003-04:00

JK Rowling recently released a couple pages of a non-existing prequel to the Harry Potter series, chronicaling James and Sirius when they were young, that was sold at a charity auction. If you're like me, and going through serious (no pun intended) withdrawel of all things Harry, you can read it here.

YIKES!

2008-06-05T21:43:00.000-04:00

Young Hillary Clinton!

2008-06-02T13:58:00.000-04:00

Why don't you just string him up, Lady?

2008-05-29T06:49:00.003-04:00

I'm sure you've seen this, but if you haven't, enjoy this idiot.

FOX contributor Liz Trotta on Senator Barack Obama, "mistakenly" calling him "Osama", (mistake, right; she obviously calls him that on purpose) jokes about assassinating him, which is always funny. Ha Ha, Liz! You go girl! Cause murder is HILLarious!!

I knew it! Rachael Ray is a Terrorist!

2008-05-29T06:38:00.002-04:00

Not really.

The Boston Globe reports that Dunkin Donuts caved to pressure from the conservative blogosphere — and the fear of a mass boycott — and removed the ad:

The company at first pooh-poohed the complaints, claiming the black-and-white wrap was not a keffiyeh. But the right-wing drumbeat on the blogosphere continued and by yesterday, Dunkin' Donuts decided it'd be easier just to yank the ad.

Said the suits in a statement: ''In a recent online ad, Rachael Ray is wearing a black-and-white silk scarf with a paisley design. It was selected by her stylist for the advertising shoot. Absolutely no symbolism was intended. However, given the possibility of misperception, we are no longer using the commercial.''

Malkin praised the decision in her column, writing,

It's refreshing to see an American company show sensitivity to the concerns of Americans opposed to Islamic jihad and its apologists. Too many of them bend over backward in the direction of anti-American political correctness....

Fashion statements may seem insignificant, but when they lead to the mainstreaming of violence -- unintentionally or not -- they matter. Ignorance is no longer an excuse. In post-9/11 America, vigilance must never go out of style.

Malkin has previously lauded Dunkin Donuts for its support of immigration laws.

Note: Ok, I don't know who this Michelle Malkin is, but she sounds like a real piece of work. Not that I'm a huge fan of Rachael Ray, but come on. Let's pick on her for something else, maybe her maniacal bloodlust for fame, or her charming lack of fashion sense, but don't call her a terrorist. Retards.

Wheeeeee.........!

2008-05-26T11:53:00.002-04:00

This is Dewey. He's the slow boy who lives on our block. All Dewey ever wanted was to laugh and play with the other boys. Good for you, Dewey!!

My new man

2008-05-19T19:15:00.000-04:00

Check it out

2008-05-18T20:15:00.003-04:00

My comrads and I have formed our own little ghost-hunting group, entitled "Paranormal Evaluation, Research and Validation Society". Yes, we are Ohio P.E.R.V.S. Nothing implied by the title. Anybody that knows us will of course believe that. You can follow our adventures here.

Sounds good to me

2008-05-15T08:15:00.001-04:00

Supporting Americans Living with Autism Spectrum Disorders: More than one million Americans live with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD), a complex neurobiological condition that has a range of impacts on thinking, feeling, language, and the ability to relate to others. As diagnostic criteria broaden and awareness increases, more cases of ASD have been recognized across the country. Barack Obama believes we need to research treatments and search for the causes of ASD. He has been a strong supporter of more than $1 billion in federal funding for ASD research on the root causes and treatments. Obama believes we must work to guarantee that Americans with ASD can live independent and fully productive lives and to assure that their families understand and are able to support a loved one with ASD. Obama will fully fund the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act to ensure that no child with ASD or any other disability is left behind. Obama will also fight to assure that the government and our communities work together to provide a helping hand to people with ASD and their families.

Obama has a long record supporting people with ASD. In the state senate, Obama sponsored legislation that became law to create the ASD Program - a systems development initiative designed to promote the implementation of evidence-based practices. And in the U.S. Senate, Obama is also a cosponsor of a measure that would expand federal funding for life-long services for people with ASD, authorizing approximately $350 million in new federal funding for key programs related to treatments, interventions and services for both children and adults with ASD.

Source: AutismBulletin.blogspot.com

Where my party people at?

2008-05-15T07:50:00.002-04:00

I'm posting this cuz I'm cool...and hip...and young....oh, and 'wit it'. Yeah.

Thankfully, this did not happen to me at Walmart, although I can see why you would think so...

2008-05-14T16:54:00.001-04:00

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the
cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly
stated, 'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by
the derelict' s intuition, since I was indeed single I looked at the
six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my
selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: 'Well, you know what,
you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'

It's real and it happens.

2008-05-14T15:43:00.001-04:00

Amish road rage.

Valedictorian Speech

2008-05-14T15:33:00.000-04:00

http://view.break.com/494826 - Watch more free videos

This is the coolest kid ever.

Women's restroom...

2008-05-14T15:21:00.000-04:00

Don't tell me this hasn't happened to you.

2008-05-14T15:14:00.001-04:00

Can I just say I love Rodney Carrington? If you haven't seen his Comedy Central special, well then your head must be in the sand, cause it's on all the time. He's hilarious.

To tease you and to titillate you

2008-05-12T14:12:00.000-04:00

Dedicated to my pal Maynard

2008-05-06T11:02:00.001-04:00

Go ahead, baby. Bask in their awesomeness.

Ode to a chicken sammich.

2008-05-05T15:00:00.005-04:00

Dear McDonalds.

Dear, Sweet McDonalds.

You and I are no strangers to one another. Not by a longshot. Why, I even worked for you for a bit. Fattiest 3 years of my life. I remember what a treat you were, when I was a child, and it was a major deal to be taken to see you. What excitement a small child feels when greeted by that evil, sorry, cute little clown face of Ronald! I remember when I worked there, how great it was, to cook my own lunch; O! What sweet freshness!

But then! You changed things. In your zest for speed, and catering to the mass humanity of ass-hats that can't wait for anything, you streamlined your cooking. What once was juicy, burger happiness, had become gray, tasteless mystery meat, and hunks of questionable chicken parts. Why? You gave me hope with your McRib - even though only God knows what it is made of, the taste was superb. But,again, you let me down in that my favorite sandwich became a "special" item, meaning it's more rare to see than Haley's comet.

So, I have become disheartened by you McDonalds. Until recently.

I see a commercial for a new sandwich. The "Southern Style Chicken" sandwich. Oh, what holy hell is this, I think pessimistically. A sad rip-off of Chik Fil-A? I'll never give it a shot, I think. Why be let down again? But, as I'm going through your drivethru today, bored as always with the choices that lay before me, trying to recoup after a complete shit-hole of a day at work, I bite the bullet, and order it.
I receive my order. What ho? A box, not a molten sticky wrapper that lets my meal be smashed to an unrecognizable lump! I am intrigued! Then, I open the box, and what do my eyes see? A piece of chicken, extending over the bun!!!! Stay with me here - the bun was actually smaller than the meat itself! Could this actually have happened at McDonalds?!
I take a bite, and have to close my eyes. My pulse begins to race, as the juicy, buttery softness of the fried chicken fills my palette. I brace myself for the grease that is sure to be present, only something with this much taste has to be full of grease, but it is not there! Juicy, chickeny goodness fills my mouth, and it is fresh, and it is wonderful. This is comfort personified. Oh sweet Heaven. I take another bite, and another, until there is nothing left, and I am spent. Oh so wonderful. And for once, after a McDonalds meal, I am not left shaken and spent and wishing I had taken a different path. All is right with the world. For now.

Please McDonalds, please keep this "Southern Style Chicken" on your normal line-up. I fear for my psychological make-up if you take it away from me. Or, at the very least, if you must replace it, make it something chocolatey. Thanks.

Paradise by the Go Phone Light

2008-04-30T15:17:00.003-04:00

So, for those of you who have their heads in the sand, and may not have seen the new GoPhone commercial with Meatloaf and Tiffany, I was curious enough to go find the long version on youtube. What I was curious about was, why Tiffany? More to the point, why have a semi-famous has-been float thru a video, carrying what looks to be a leg of lamb, to background sing one line? Cause you just don't see that every day. Is there any other purpose, I mean other than having people like my husband say, "Wow, Tiffany's rack got big!"? So, as I said, I found the longer version, and she does actually have more purpose for being in the commercial, and it's actually kinda cool.

Stupid is as stupid does.

2008-04-30T12:48:00.003-04:00

I hate being stupid. No, I should say, I hate feeling stupid. If I were really stupid, I wouldn't know it, right? Hopefully.
Anyway, started the new job this week. I should have known when my boss and the gal interviewing me tried to warn me away from it. Phrases like, "strong learning curve" and "extreme multi-tasking" should have scared me.
Now we all know I have been out of the working world for quite a while. I haven't actually worked at a real job in...well, a really long time. Unless you count the 6 months at a scrapbook shop, that, while I loved it, quite frankly spoiled me. It was more fun than job anyway. Before that I was blessed to be able to stay home with the kids. Now that they're older, and economy being what it is, it's time to grow up and face the real world and get back into the workforce. So, I finally found a job with an animal hospital. Again, the doctor that hired me warned me that he had trained 3 people in the last three months who ended up quitting.
Red flag? Of course not! Cause I'm stupid.
I assured him that I could do the job. I wasn't scared by multi-tasking, I'm old enough to know what happens to sick puppies and kitties, I can handle bitchy customers. All of that was ok with me, I told him.
After 2 days on the job, I can honestly say last night I was tempted to quit. I have totally gotten in over my head. The computer system is completely daunting to me, and I have experience with computers. Checking in patients, extremely confusing how much paperwork goes into it. Making appointments, sounds easy in theory, but I have to know what vaccines each type of animal needs, and at what age they are supposed to get them, and order them up for the doc to perform. I'm supposed to know each of the flea/tick medication guidelines, which ones work for what parasite, which ones are poisonous to cats, which ones are done at which age. Endless. I know I will be given time to learn all this, but, like I said, I hate feeling stupid. I got chastised by the doc the first day because I called a dog an "animal." No. They are "pets" or "friends", or even "children". Right.
I am proud of myself that I was able to handle things I didn't think I would. I cleaned up more pee yesterday than I did training 2 kids. I watched them putting a big dog under anesthesia without wincing. I watched the doc lance a sebaceous cyst without barfing. Learned what was in the big old chest freezer in the corner without passing out. (Dead puppies by the way)
I worked til close last night, which was supposed to be 8, but didn't get out til 9:30, and I was so tired and emotional I was ready to quit. It didn't help when I got home to a crying 8 year old, who was sad cause Mommy wasn't there to tuck her in. No pressure there!
But I don't want to quit! I hate being a quitter and - no, actually I love being a quitter. That's the problem. I've quit everything I've ever tried. I'd like to finish something for once.
What I really hate is being a whiner. I know, you wouldn't guess that if you've been a loyal reader to the Trixie blog. But I actually do. Hate it, that is. I'm my own worst enemy in case you didn't get that. But aren't we all really?
I really want to do well at this, cause I really think I'm going to like it, once I learn a thing or two. Or twelve. Right now I feel like all I'm doing is standing around being dumb. Like a large ignorant lump. And it sucks.
Sorry, loyal readers, for ranting today. I promise I'll post something about Rachael later for you.

The latest issue of WTF?!!?

2008-04-25T23:27:00.002-04:00

While perusing my map stats, to see just where people are finding Trixie, I finally found one that was not a google search for 'dirty rachael ray'. It was this gem:

Marbella, Andalucia, Spain
Time: 2:55 pm - April 25, 2008
Page: /2008/04/from-now-on-i-will-no...
Search: Google - Toothless grammas
Browser: Internet Explorer 7.0
OS: win|xp

Yeah. You read that right. Now I feel I must comment.

Dear Spanish Reader(if you can indeed read this)

While I appreciate the fact that you've stopped in to visit my blog, I do have to ask you...um, what is your malfunction? Toothless grammas? Really? You people are Googling far too much. I try to live and let live, but COME ON!! Get a life! You have a real problem. Honestly. I fear for you. That's just wrong on many many levels.

I'm intrigued, of course, but still...pretty sick dude.

Happy Anniversary to my Man!

2008-04-25T08:09:00.003-04:00

Hey Baby,

We met 11 years ago today. I fell in love with you on our first date, when I first looked in your eyes and thought "Bingo". I thank God every single day that he brought you into my life. Thank YOU, for loving me more than I thought anyone could, for putting up with my moods, (no easy task, mind you!) for making me laugh when I'm down, comforting me when I'm sad, making me feel safe when I'm scared. For showing me every day how great it is to be married to your best friend. For loving my son, and showing him how to be a man. For giving me a beautiful daughter. You are an incredible man, a fantastic husband and father. I pray we have 100 more years together.
I love you. And I dedicate this video to you.

More tales of Unnecessary Censorship

2008-04-21T19:13:00.000-04:00

Demotivational

2008-04-20T23:39:00.003-04:00

2008-04-20T23:19:00.001-04:00

Actual letter to Proctor & Gamble

2008-04-20T23:11:00.001-04:00

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years
and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard
Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding
or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down
the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be
your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart
enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I
can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's
a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is
starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently
surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust
and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred
hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen
quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers
monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the
bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's
a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer
fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George
Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was
written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just
crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to
the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping
so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I
opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing,
were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you **ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny
middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing
happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned
above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless
you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything
'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and
Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to
the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to
end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap
a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or
'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective
immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX

shamelessly stolen from: this blog

LOLPrez

2008-04-20T22:51:00.002-04:00

Individualized Education Plan

2008-04-18T15:29:00.005-04:00

We had Alex's IEP meeting today. For those who don't know, an IEP (Individualized Education Plan) is exactly what it sounds like, a plan for your child customized to his/her needs for the next school year. Basically, whatever we decide we want for our child, legally the school has to abide by it. Like, if we wanted a clown to stand by his desk every afternoon and turn the pages of his book for him, they are obligated to do this. (Not that we would order this, but hey, it would be kinda cool.) We do twice of these a year, once at the beginning and again at the end of the year. It went pretty well, Alex actually got to sit in on this one. Which was a little weird for me. He got to sit in because this is the one slated for 'transition'. Meaning, your baby is growing up and you need to cut your apron strings Mom. I can remember going to these meetings in Kindergarten, and seeing that 'transition for 16 year olds' section and thinking to myself, that is SOOOO far away! Well, here it is. He will be 16 in a few short months. He has done so fabulously well battling this demon called Autism. I get choked up everytime I think about it. From the cute little 3 year old who wouldn't speak to anyone, to the handsome 15 year old who towers over me, with the facial hair and deep voice, who only cares about heavy metal and chicks. It went so freakin fast. Everybody says it does, when you have a baby, they say, "Oh, enjoy every minute, it will go by so fast!" And you think to yourself, yeah, I know, blah blah blah. And you do know, but you don't really KNOW, if you know what I mean.
So, anyway, back to transition. They ask us what our goals are for him, what career paths he is interested in, what social activities we want him to get involved with, etc. How long do we expect him to live with us post-graduation? I'm only half-joking when I say "Forever."
I don't want to think about these things. At all! Where will he go to college? Who will be the first bitch who breaks his heart? I know that's all coming soon. But I'm not ready!!! I will be one day, but especially with him, it will be so hard to let go and let him make his own mistakes. He's old enough to start driving for God's sake! I will need an endless supply of happy pills to get through this.

Aside to my own parents - I apologize for every single sleepless night I ever gave you; every time I yelled at you for worrying too much. I get it now, ok? Your curse worked.

Andy would like you all to know....

2008-04-17T13:44:00.000-04:00

...He's brought the Sexy back!

PMS Survival Tips

2008-04-16T19:55:00.001-04:00

Know it all

2008-04-16T18:07:00.000-04:00

Batman and Robin are camping in the desert, set up their tent and are asleep. Some hours later, Batman wakes his faithful friend. "Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Robin replies, " I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" asks Batman.

Robin ponders for a minute.

"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.

Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Batman?"

Batman is silent for a moment, then speaks:

"Robin, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

Joke o' the day

2008-04-16T14:26:00.001-04:00

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says, "Ok, old fellow, time to retire."

The old rooster says, "You can't handle all these chickens . . . look at what it did to me!" The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike."

The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon . . . just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you."

The young rooster says, "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!" the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race around the farmhouse with you. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop."

The young rooster says, "You know I'm going to beat you, old man, so just to be fair, I'm even going to give you a head start."

They line up in back of the farm house, get a chicken to cluck "Go!" and the old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is only about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on, grabs his shotgun and BOOM!, he blows the young rooster to bits. He sadly shakes his head and says, "Dammit, third gay rooster I bought this week!"